The Power of "Acting as If"

Timeless and ethical strategies for expanding your comfort zone

Where the Road Bends (WTRB) is a newsletter and podcast by Steve Schlafman offering musings on personal evolution, life transitions, and conscious change. If you were forwarded this email and it resonates, get the next one delivered to your inbox:

---

“The hallmark of successful people is that they are always stretching themselves to learn new things.”
–Carol Dweck, Mindset

A couple of weeks ago, Dr. Gina Gorlin published a thought-provoking essay titled, "Don't Fake It Til You Make It." In this piece, she argues that instead of adhering to the notorious and controversial "fake it till you make it" mindset, entrepreneurs should embrace a different approach she calls "remember what you know.” By leveraging existing knowledge and experience, she asserts that founders can attain more authentic and sustainable success, especially during the fundraising process. 

In the essay, Dr. Gorlin provides compelling evidence that “fake it til you make it” can lead to impostor syndrome, foster a culture of dishonesty and inauthenticity, and cause founders to undervalue their own knowledge and abilities. In contrast, her science-backed framework “remember what you know” not only fosters self-awareness and confidence in one's abilities but also enables founders to be more genuine and authentic. Additionally, her approach encourages a growth mindset by recognizing that existing knowledge can serve as a foundation for further growth and learning.

As a coach and an advocate of self-compassion and self-reliance, Gorlin’s philosophy of “remember what you know” truly resonated with me. I remind my clients all the time that they already possess all the necessary skills and resources to navigate any situation, provided they take a moment to slow down and reflect on the experiences, lessons, and abilities that have shaped their journey so far.

However, I’m convinced that high performers, such as entrepreneurs and executives, shouldn’t entirely discard “fake it til you make it”—despite Gorlin’s compelling thesis. In fact, I believe it’s an essential strategy for anyone undergoing change and transition, such as learning a skill, stepping into a new situation, or adopting a new role. 

By embracing a balanced approach that combines the confidence-boosting aspects of "fake it till you make it" with the self-awareness and authenticity of "remember what you know," high performers can effectively learn new skills and adopt new roles, ultimately leading to smoother and more successful transitions.

Becoming the Change You Want to See

Nearly six years ago, I had a life-changing encounter with Jim Rosen, a former entrepreneur and seasoned executive coach. On a frigid February morning just outside my hometown of Boston, we met in a Starbucks to discuss my growing ambition to become a coach. I was eager to learn about how he became a coach, who he worked with, and how he built his practice. 

As we began our conversation, I explained that I had just enrolled in a nine-month certification program, but I wasn’t sure if I was going to build a coaching practice or try to blend coaching with investing. Even though I was uncertain about the path ahead, I was amped to explore the world of coaching with him that morning.

Toward the end of our conversation, I casually asked, "When I become a coach, how difficult will it be to build a practice?" Jim immediately interrupted me, looked me straight in the eye, and said, "Steve, you are a coach."

Those four words had an immediate and profound impact on me. They shifted my mindset and filled me with confidence and energy. Jim's words gave me permission to claim the title of coach even though I had not yet started my training or worked with any clients. From that moment on, I believed in myself as a coach—whatever I needed, I had it already.

When the time came for my certification course to begin a few weeks later, I showed up with a newfound sense of confidence and determination. I recall coming home that night and telling my wife I felt like I had been coaching for years.

Despite being a beginner, I approached coaching with the confidence and respect of a seasoned professional. I threw myself into the material, devouring every book, article, and video on coaching I could find. I took on clients early in the process, eager to apply my knowledge and test my abilities. And as I ventured outside my comfort zone and learned the craft, I developed a deep respect for the power of coaching to transform lives, careers, and organizations. 

Even though there were plenty of times I felt like a newbie—and still do—Jim’s words gave me the confidence to “act as if” I was already a coach and dive headfirst into the craft of coaching.

“Act as if” is often attributed to Alfred Adler, the influential Austrian psychotherapist and a founding member of the psychoanalytic movement, alongside Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. One of his key concepts was "act as if," which shares significant overlap with "fake it till you make it."

Adler wrote in Social Interest: A Challenge to Mankind, “Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement." 

Adler emphasizes the importance of actions and behaviors over words, suggesting that it is through movement and embodiment that we can create change in our lives. This idea aligns with the "act as if" concept, as it encourages individuals to adopt behaviors and actions that reflect their desired self-perception and outcomes.

At the most fundamental level, "act as if" encourages you to embody the mindset and behaviors associated with your desired outcome, even if you haven’t yet fully achieved that outcome. By adopting the mindset and behaviors associated with success, you can influence your self-image and ultimately become the change you want to see. Adler believed that this approach could help people overcome feelings of inferiority and develop a more positive self-image.

For me, "acting as if" I was already a coach allowed me to fully immerse myself in the world of coaching, learn from my experiences, and build the skills and confidence I needed to succeed.

“Act As If” Is A Mindset

As my story demonstrates, "act as if" is a powerful strategy because it can help you shift your mindset, push beyond your comfort zone, and acquire new skills. Sometimes, the most effective way to embrace a new identity or role is to believe you're already embodying it to some extent and take the first step as that person you want to be.

Cultivating a positive mindset is crucial for creating the life and role you desire. A fixed mindset keeps you from evolving and typically results in stagnation, while a growth mindset allows you to view the world and yourself as adaptable. As a result, you’re able to step outside your comfort zones and discover where opportunities for learning and growth lie. This approach empowers you to develop new skills by pushing you beyond your familiar boundaries.

Embracing a beginner's mindset plays a vital role in the "act as if" strategy, as it encourages an open-minded approach to new experiences and challenges. “Act as if” requires a beginner's mindset because you are first acknowledging that you're trying something you don't know, thus being open to making mistakes, asking questions, and learning from every step of the journey, much like a young child would. When you "act as if" with a beginner's mindset, you create space for growth and discovery, enabling yourself to effectively cultivate new skills, transition into your desired role and adapt to new situations. As Zen master Shunryu Suzuki said in his classic Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.”

Speaking of children and the beginner's mind, my young daughter loves to play pretend and often dresses up as her favorite characters—you should hear her version of “How Far I’ll Go” from Moana. Watching her get lost in these personas brings me joy and reminds me of the power of play. When we play, we enter a state of imagination and creativity that allows us to explore new possibilities and try on new roles. In a way, "acting as if" is like an adult version of playing pretend. By imagining ourselves in different situations and adopting new mindsets and behaviors, we can expand our self-image and sense of what’s possible.  

This is a major reason why I believe many adults love Halloween, theme parties, and Burning Man. A playful mindset can help us stay open to new ideas and avoid getting stuck in our old ways of thinking and being. It can also help us approach new and difficult situations with more humor and imagination, making them easier to navigate.

Despite some of these benefits, Dr. Gorlin argues that “remember what you know” is about “zooming out to examine the wider landscape of knowledge that can and ought to be brought to bear on your situation, rather than getting faked out by unwarranted (or partially warranted, or misdirected) anxiety.” She also suggests that “fake it til you make it” means “turning a blind eye on the anxiety and whatever legitimate dangers it might be signaling—which, by the way, is an open invitation to impostor syndrome.”

But, what if there are other ways of being you want to inhabit, new ones you have no knowledge of yet? What if you haven’t invested the time to cultivate a particular skill? What if some level of anxiety is natural when stepping outside of your comfort zone, even if you are as prepared as you could possibly be? What if the majority of high performers have imposter syndrome whether they’re faking it or not?

Expanding Your Comfort Zone

“Act as if” is an effective strategy to expand your comfort zone because it requires you to step outside of your familiar identities and roles and try on new skills, perspectives, and personas. If you want to grow and develop, settling into your comfort zone and what you know can become limiting and even counterproductive. 

According to Judith Bardwick in Danger in the Comfort Zone:

“The comfort zone is a behavioral state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviors to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk.”

Hanging out in the comfort zone for too long can lead to a lack of motivation, decreased engagement, and suboptimal performance. 

The Yerkes-Dodson Law, a psychological principle that describes the relationship between arousal, stress, and performance, further supports this idea. It was originally developed by psychologists Robert M. Yerkes and John Dillingham Dodson in 1908. There is an optimal level of arousal that leads to peak performance. When anxiety is too low, individuals may lack motivation and struggle to focus, resulting in boredom and suboptimal performance. Conversely, when anxiety is too high, it can lead to panic and decreased performance.

The process is often represented by a bell curve whereby performance increases and decreases with varying levels of arousal:

Source: https://positivepsychology.com/comfort-zone/

In order to leave our comfort zone and find our optimal level of arousal, we need to push into our fear zone, learning zone, and growth zone. This involves taking calculated risks and challenging ourselves to try new things, including roles and identities, even if they make us uncomfortable.

Source: https://positivepsychology.com/comfort-zone/

Expanding our comfort zone can be a daunting task, as we often fear the unknown and the potential for failure. When we step out of our comfort zone, we challenge ourselves to learn and grow, and we become more adaptable and resilient. We also become more confident in our abilities and gain new experiences that can be applied to future challenges.

“Act as if" is an effective strategy for pushing us into our learning and growth zone and helping us overcome self-doubt, take action, and learn from our experiences. By trying on new identities and roles, we can free ourselves from the idea of perfection and see what we know and what we still need to learn. This enables us to expand our comfort zone, discover our optimal level of arousal for growth, and hopefully reach our full potential.

It's important to note that we shouldn't remain outside of our comfort zone indefinitely—this can lead to burnout. Instead, we should tack back and forth from our comfort zone to our learning and growth zones. When things get too intense, take a pause, catch your breath, unpack what you’ve learned, and hop back in if and when you’re ready. This way, you can continue to challenge yourself and expand your comfort zone without becoming overwhelmed or stressed, which will help you maintain your motivation and drive to learn and grow. It also helps us integrate what we are learning in the outer reaches of our capabilities.

Ethical Strategies for “Acting As If”

One of the well-documented criticisms and drawbacks of “fake it til you make it” and “acting as if” is the potential for these philosophies to lead to unethical behavior, such as dishonesty or even fraud. I fundamentally believe that anyone can leverage “act as if” while also honoring their integrity and values—remember, “act as if” is about moving toward who you want to be while maintaining a beginner’s mindset, not about trying to convince others you’re something you’re not. 

How can you “act as if” ethically, especially when you’re learning new skills, doing something for the first time, or selling yourself?

First, it's essential to differentiate between "acting as if" and outright deception. "Acting as if" means adopting the mindset, habits, and behaviors of the person you aspire to become or the role you desire to fill. This approach can help you bridge the gap between your current situation and your desired future state by fostering self-confidence and motivation. However, it shouldn’t violate your values and involve lying about your qualifications, experiences, or capabilities. 

For example, when I embarked on my coaching journey, I claimed the title of coach but made it a point to be transparent with my clients about my current standing, the extent of my training, and my coaching philosophy. I let them know that I was actively participating in a program and taking on "practice clients" to hone my skills as an executive coach. In addition, I “remembered what I knew” by emphasizing the wealth of experience and skills I had accumulated over two decades as a VC, operator, and well-rounded human being, which would be invaluable in our conversations. By being upfront about my background and where I was in the process, I established trust with these clients and maintained ethical standards while still "acting as if" I was already a seasoned coach. Equally as important, I was able to leverage my existing skills while also spending ample time in my learning and growth zone.

Here are some ethical strategies for “acting as if” that I recommend. 

Character Invention

“I have someone else that takes over when it’s time for me to work and when I’m on stage, this alter ego that I’ve created that kind of protects me and who I really am. Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I’m working and when I’m on the stage.”

To help her “act as if,” Beyoncé invented a character, Sasha Fierce, a concentrated avatar of parts she already has–as Queen Bee puts it, “who I really am.”

According to Matt Schuck, an entrepreneur who worked with one of the world’s top executive coaches, “Character Invention is rooted in drama therapy and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). The technique is to invent a character who can do what feels scary to you. Then, the ‘character’ performs outside your comfort zone.” 

This approach to “acting as if” involves five steps: 

1. Envision the character, creating a clear mental picture of the ideal persona and their behaviors. 

2. Name the character to help you fully embody the alter ego. 

3. Identify a trigger that helps you quickly shift into the persona, such as a keyword, an action like putting on the character’s signature ring, or completing a small ritual (like saying, “I Am Sasha Fierce.”)

4. Embody your character and explore how it feels, including changed body language and mannerisms. 

5. Practice fully embodying your character in a variety of situations to gain confidence in its abilities and traits.

Suppose you want to give direct feedback to an employee but feel nervous about hurting their feelings or having them quit. You can use character invention to create an alter ego that helps you overcome your fear and unleash your inner strength. Let's say your alter ego is called "Honest Helen." Helen is everything you want to be: direct, open, kind, and clear. When Helen steps into the meeting (the trigger), her energy shifts, her breathing slows, and her body language becomes more assertive. She speaks with conviction and clarity, addressing the issues head-on and providing constructive criticism with care. 

By "acting as if" through character invention, we can leverage the power of our imagination to create alter egos that embody the qualities and strengths we aspire to possess–or already possess. Through consistent practice and reinforcement of our invented personas, we can gradually expand our comfort zones and integrate these traits into our own personalities.

Identity-Based Habits

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, coined the concept of “identity-based habits” which is the idea that our habits are not just tasks or actions that we do, but reflections of who we are and who we aspire to become. He writes, “The key to building lasting habits is focusing on creating a new identity first. Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity. What you do now is a mirror image of the type of person you believe that you are (either consciously or subconsciously).”

The approach emphasizes the importance of aligning our habits with our desired identity, rather than focusing solely on achieving a specific outcome or goal. This way, every action we take either reinforces or undermines who we want to become. To get started, choose who you want to be and then note any habits, behaviors, and strategies that reinforce that identity.

For instance, if you aspire to learn a new language, then you want to become the type of person who practices the language every day. Some behaviors that reinforce that identity could include listening to a 5-minute podcast or watching a 5-minute video in the target language every day this week. As you identify and mimic these behaviors, you begin to reinforce your new identity as a bi-lingual speaker through action and small wins over time.

Clear emphasizes, “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”

This strategy can help you shift your self-image and identity, leading to lasting habits and new capabilities. By adopting identity-based habits in an authentic way, you can accelerate your progress and development without necessarily resorting to unethical shortcuts.

Learn In Public 

When “acting as if,” you can openly share your experiences and what you’re learning along the way. Many creators and entrepreneurs I respect embrace this philosophy, including author Jeff Goins who wrote, “The best way to learn is to share what you know, even when you're not sure you know it yet."

In today's digital age, we have access to a wide range of online platforms that make it easy to share what we learn and connect with like-minded individuals. By leveraging social media platforms like Twitter, LinkedIn, Reddit, and Substack, we can reach a global audience and connect with others who are on a similar journey. For example, I frequently flocked to Twitter to share bite-sized insights, quotes, and frameworks I was learning as a newly minted coach. Even though I was just getting started, I “acted as if” I were a coach by openly sharing what I was learning. This helped me cultivate trust with potential clients, meet new coaches, and embrace who I was becoming publicly.

Regardless of the platform you choose, the key is to be consistent and authentic in your sharing. Don't be afraid to share your failures and struggles as well as your successes, as this can make your journey more relatable and inspiring to others. One of my favorite creators, Austin Kleon, is a big advocate of this approach. He says, "I share my work, even when it's not perfect, even when it's not polished, even when it's not ready. Because I believe that ideas grow stronger when they're challenged, that our work can get better when we involve others."

When “acting as if,” earning in public not only fosters accountability but also encourages collaboration, feedback, and support from your peers and followers. Sharing publicly can help you gain new perspectives, insights, and ideas from others, which can help you improve more quickly and effectively. Additionally, it can help you build a community around your journey and increase your visibility, which can lead to new opportunities and collaborations. 

Remember, learning in public is not about showing off or seeking validation. It's about embracing vulnerability and sharing your journey with others in an authentic and honest way. As Brené Brown said in her viral TED Talk, The Power of Vulnerability, "Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change." By being vulnerable and open to feedback and collaboration, you can accelerate your growth and development, and ultimately achieve your goals and aspirations.

Behavioral Activation

Behavioral Activation (BA) is an evidence-based therapy that originated from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and can be an ethical strategy for "acting as if." The approach emphasizes identifying and engaging in activities that align with your values and goals, even when you don't feel motivated or confident. In fact, it is one of the most important CBT skills used in treating depression, as it focuses on the interplay between behavior and feelings.

Anxiety and depression are often created or exacerbated when parts of ourselves try to protect us by pushing us toward avoidance and isolation. However, by continuing to follow their lead, we only perpetuate the cycle and feel increasingly unmotivated. Instead, we must actively work to challenge these negative thought patterns and engage in behaviors that align with our values and goals and bring us fulfillment.

According to psychologist and professor Christopher Martell, one of the founders of BA, "Behavioral activation is about helping people take meaningful action in their lives, even when they don't feel like it."

The idea is that by taking action toward our goals and values, even when we don't feel like it, we can begin to shift our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs in a more positive direction. In other words, the action precedes the motivation, rather than the other way around.

The process of BA typically involves several steps:

• Identifying values and goals: This involves reflecting on what is important to you and what you would like to achieve in your life.

• Monitoring your activities and mood: Keeping a record of your daily activities and mood can help you identify patterns and make connections between what you do and how you feel.

• Setting specific and achievable goals: Based on your values and goals, you can set specific and achievable targets for yourself. It's important to start small and gradually increase the difficulty of the goals.

• Planning and scheduling activities: Once you have identified your goals, you can plan and schedule activities that align with them. This can involve breaking down larger goals into smaller, more manageable steps.

• Identifying and addressing barriers: You may encounter barriers or obstacles that prevent you from engaging in the activities you have planned. It's important to identify these barriers and develop strategies to address them.

• Monitoring progress and adjusting goals: Regularly monitoring your progress can help you see how far you've come and make adjustments as needed. Celebrating successes, no matter how small, can help motivate you to continue with your goals.

BA can be an effective ethical strategy for "acting as if" because it focuses on taking small, manageable steps toward our goals and values, rather than trying to make big, drastic changes all at once. By taking small actions, we can build momentum and confidence over time, which help shift our emotions and confidence.

Getting started with BA involves identifying one or two small activities that align with your values and goals and committing to doing them regularly, even if you don't feel motivated. For instance, if you value self-expression but are hesitant to share your work, you could commit to writing in your journal for 30 minutes a day and "acting as if" you're a writer. Alternatively, if you value social connections but feel anxious in group settings, you could commit to attending one meetup per week and "acting as if" you're a social person. By taking small steps to act on your values and goals, you can gradually overcome avoidance and inactivity.

The key is to start small and build momentum over time. As you begin to see progress and positive outcomes from your actions, you can gradually increase the difficulty or complexity of your tasks, and begin to take on bigger challenges.

“Act as if” while “Remembering Who You Are” 

"Act as if" is a powerful tool for trying on new roles and ways of being, and extending into your learning and growth zones. At the most fundamental level, "act as if" is not about being dishonest and inauthentic, but rather about experimenting with new behaviors and attitudes until you feel more comfortable over time. By embracing this mindset, you can discover your true potential, expand your comfort zone, and avoid underestimating yourself. Additionally, it can help you avoid limiting your personal and professional growth by relying solely on your existing knowledge and experience.

But, left unchecked, “act as if” can lead to anxiety, imposter syndrome, and unethical behavior. I want to stress that "act as if" should not be your default mode. It's a strategy to help expand your comfort zone and extend into your learning and growth zones. It's essential to be honest with yourself and others as you pursue growth, recognizing your current skills and experience while expressing your commitment to learning and improvement. Share your aspirations and fears with trusted peers, mentors, or collaborators who can provide guidance and support along the way.

While the strategies I shared may still trigger anxiety and imposter syndrome, it's a natural feeling for anyone trying new things and stepping outside their comfort zone. In fact, some of the most successful people I know—including many of my clients—feel like imposters even though they’ve reached the top of their profession. As you experiment with some of these strategies, don’t forget to be easy on yourself and have fun. 

This is why leveraging both "Act as if" and "Remember Who You Are" is an effective dual strategy to help you expand your comfort zone and cultivate new skills while also honoring your existing values, experiences, and capabilities. These two philosophies are complementary approaches that will help you go further faster.