Downshifting in Denmark

How My Summer Sabbatical Helped Me Reimagine the American Dream

In early February, my wife Eliza came to me with an unexpected question. "Steve, what if we spent a month as a family in Europe this summer, living and working?"

“Awesome,” I said without hesitation. We had fantasized about an adventure like this for a while, and leaving New York City had given us some financial flexibility to make it a reality. “Do you think we can pull it off with the girls being so young?”

“It’ll definitely take some planning and coordination, but I think we can make it work.” My always reliable wife was smiling from ear to ear—if she thought we could do it, I knew we could.

“Ok,” I said, returning her smile. “Where are we going?”

“How about Copenhagen? I’ve heard amazing things from Willa, and you remember my friend Sarah—she lives there now.”

I pictured shop windows overflowing with danishes, Birkenstocks on cobblestone streets, and Hans Christen Andersen writing the Little Mermaid by candlelight. I didn’t really know anything about Copenhagen.

“Willa and Sarah say it’s one of the most family-friendly cities in the world, with incredible playgrounds everywhere. It’s safe, clean, and easy to navigate. Plus, the food and design scenes are supposed to be second to none!”

I paused, picturing our family living in a new city together. It was this time last year when we moved our two young daughters upstate…maybe a yearly adventure was part of our family tradition. 

“You know what? That sounds perfect. Let’s do it. I’m in.”

Living the Good Life 

For the past four weeks, I downshifted my life to enjoy a sabbatical and immerse myself in the intentional and vibrant culture of Denmark. Embracing the change of scenery and a new way of life, we set out to experience Copenhagen as locals. While I’ve had the privilege of traveling to many inspiring places throughout my life, I’ve never settled in one location for more than a few weeks. We chose to live in Frederiksberg, a quiet residential neighborhood just outside the bustling city center.

While Eliza fielded recommendations from friends and researched the city's hot spots and activities, I made a conscious decision to be surprised. I even resisted watching the Instagram videos she sent me every few weeks. 

Much like my approach before embarking on a retreat or a transformational experience, I chose not to do much research. I’ve found that simply showing up and allowing the journey to unfold naturally often leads to the most profound experiences. Having no preconceived notions often leads to the most authentic and memorable encounters, allowing the essence of a place to reveal itself in unexpected ways. So, I arrived in Denmark with an open mind, not knowing what to expect from the country or its capital city.

I had no idea my time there would be a powerful education on the true essence of downshifting.

Danes have mastered the art of living a high-quality life. They are ambitious about living a good life, rather than the best life. They don’t strive to accumulate excessive possessions, status, or wealth. Instead, they focus on balance, community, and well-being. It's no surprise that Denmark consistently ranks among the happiest countries in the world.

What struck me most was their emphasis on contentment over achievement. Danes seem to understand that the pursuit of "more" often leads to less satisfaction. Their priorities are clear: meaningful relationships, a strong sense of community, quality experiences, and time spent in nature. The pace of life is deliberate and mindful, a stark contrast to the relentless hustle culture I’m accustomed to here in the States. 

A week into the trip, I turned to my wife in amazement and said, "The Danes might know more about downshifting than I do!”

This intentional way of living provided a fresh perspective on what it means to lead a fulfilling life. It was a reminder that downshifting isn't about doing less but about doing what truly matters. The Danish way of life reminded me that true wealth is found in experiences, connections, and a deep appreciation for the present moment.

Throughout the trip, I noticed how the Danish support downshifting both individually and culturally. This was clear in countless interactions with locals and in the thoughtful ways their society is designed. As the weeks went by, I realized that anyone, including myself, looking to incorporate downshifting into their life could learn a lot from the Danes. Here’s what I saw.

Presence

In Copenhagen, it was rare to see residents endlessly, mindlessly scrolling through their phones while eating, standing in line, or riding the subway. One rainy Saturday, I spent the day at KuBe, a “Community Centre for Healthy and Fun Lifestyle,” and noticed that very few parents were on their phones. They were engaged with their children and actively interacting with other parents.

This mindful presence was also evident in restaurants and cafes, where people seemed more focused on each other rather than their devices. Conversations flowed naturally, uninterrupted by the constant buzzing of notifications. I also noticed that their phones were out of sight, tucked away in bags or pockets. This would be unimaginable in New York, even in my sleepier community upstate. 

Patience

Life appeared to unfold at a slower, more intentional pace. Patrons were content to wait to be greeted at restaurants, and pedestrians patiently stood at crosswalks, rarely j-walking, even when the streets were clear of cars and bicycles.

In cafes, people stood in line without showing signs of impatience or frustration. No one appeared to be in a rush, none of the hustle and bustle I thought was endemic to urban life.

Seeing this taught me that  the act of waiting is not an inconvenience but an integral part of life’s rhythm. In contrast to the often frenetic pace of life as I knew it, this was a poignant reminder of the serenity that can be found in simply being.

Trust and Safety

On several occasions, merchants were unable to accept payment from us due to technical issues. Yet, they allowed us to leave with the goods, simply requesting that we return within a day or two to settle the bill. This level of trust was both surprising and delightful, highlighting a deep-seated belief in honesty and community responsibility that permeates Danish society. Trust here is not a rare commodity but a daily expectation, a silent agreement among citizens that integrity is a shared value.

Equally remarkable was the profound sense of safety that enveloped the city. Throughout our entire stay, we did not see a single police officer. Not one! Parents felt at ease allowing their children to roam freely, unassisted, even in the bustling heart of the city. Strollers were often left parked outside restaurants, unwatched and unbothered.

Human Connection

During our four weeks in Denmark, I witnessed numerous beautiful moments of human connection. Families and friends regularly gathered for communal picnics in the nearby park, creating vibrant, lively scenes of togetherness. In parks, groups of new mothers congregated with their babies, offering each other support and companionship. My wife spent an afternoon at “one of the most inspiring public community spaces'' she's ever seen, where they host communal meals and other activities every day. Anyone can come, hang out, enjoy a meal, and connect with one another—for no membership fee or “investment.” 

These glimpses into Danish life revealed a society deeply committed to fostering meaningful relationships and a strong community spirit. It was a powerful reminder of the importance of connection in cultivating a fulfilling and harmonious life.

Respect for Nature

Parks and green spaces are abundant in Copenhagen, providing urban sanctuaries for relaxation and recreation. These well-maintained areas are integral to the city's layout, ensuring that nature is never more than a few minutes away. Families and friends gather in these parks for picnics, children play freely, and individuals find serenity in the greenery, reflecting a societal commitment to integrating nature into life. This reverence is evident in the large advertisements throughout the city, many of which prominently feature stunning natural landscapes.

Recycling and composting bins are ubiquitous, and public transportation is heavily utilized, reducing the city's carbon footprint. Bicycling is not just a mode of transport but a way of life, with dedicated bike lanes making it easy and safe for people of all ages to ride. This eco-friendly infrastructure underscores a collective effort to live sustainably and harmoniously with the environment.

This connection to nature is a core element of downshifting, one that I have deeply embraced since leaving New York City. In the year since we moved away from the urban hustle, my nervous system is more regulated, my mind quieter, and I feel more connected to the greater power that is nature.

Hygge

The Danes have a concept called Hyge, which is best translated as reading a book by a wood-burning fire as it snows outside your window. Hygge embodies coziness, comfort, and a sense of well-being. 

In Copenhagen, Hygge was everywhere. Restaurants provided blankets. Real candles flickered on tables. Comfort foods and desserts were always on the menu. Spaces were uncluttered, highlighting handmade, high-quality, and well-designed objects instead of cheap plastic. The Danish sense of fashion is comfortable and relaxed. 

Our AirBnb, owned by a designer, was a perfect embodiment of Hygge. The space was thoughtfully curated, with a large Hyggekrog—a cozy nook by the window filled with blankets and pillows. This nook became our family’s gathering spot each morning and night, large enough to fit all of us comfortably. It was in these moments, surrounded by softness and warmth, that we truly felt the essence of Hygge. Hygge is truly about creating the best spaces to share a meaningful connection with each other.

Infrastructure for Families

Copenhagen's commitment to family-friendly infrastructure is nothing short of extraordinary. Beyond the most incredible playgrounds you’ll ever find, the city offers a wealth of resources designed to support families at every stage. Numerous community centers provide rich programming, including support groups for new mothers, communal meals, art classes, and more—all free of charge. I even saw flyers for a 24-hour support line for new parents and mental health assistance for teens facing challenges.

Family-friendly facilities are abundant. Separate bathrooms specifically designed for families are commonplace, and on buses and subways, designated sections reserved for strollers and parents ensure ease of travel for those with young children. If you have a kid, you’re probably bugging out right now–to parents in America, this kind of accessibility is rare. Yet it makes navigating cities and providing our kids with proper care possible.

Here’s another biggie: mothers and fathers are given six months off for parental leave and daycare is subsidized. These policies reflect a broader societal commitment to supporting families and ensuring that parents can balance work and family life without undue stress. The support system for families is a testament to Denmark's prioritization of well-being and community, creating an environment where families can thrive.

I don’t know if it's the infrastructure for families, paid parental leave, or just part of the value system, but everywhere we went, fathers were strapping babies to their bodies, pushing strollers, and attentively playing with their children. While I see some of this in New York, the frequency and level of engagement in Copenhagen was stark. As a deeply committed father and partner, it was meaningful to be immersed in a culture that appears to value active fatherhood as much as I do.

I know countless families, especially with young children, who are stressed to the max trying to care for their kids, balance careers, and just have time to catch their breath. Support like this transforms lives and helps parents downshift in moments where it seems literally impossible.

Work to Live, Not Live to Work

In Copenhagen, at least in the summer, the workday typically ends around 5pm, and it wasn't uncommon to see parents wrapping up even earlier. Most stores were closed by 6pm. This wasn't an anomaly but a widespread practice, deeply embedded in the cultural fabric.

As my friend Pia who relocated there from New York shared, work holds its importance, but it is far from being the central purpose of life. Danish culture prioritizes personal well-being and family time over the relentless pursuit of career goals. This philosophy manifests in various ways: the unhurried pace of daily life, the emphasis on leisure and relaxation, and the ample time dedicated to family and social activities.

In Denmark, according to several conversations I had, the yardstick for success is not measured by the number of hours logged at the office or the accumulation of material wealth but by the quality of life and the strength of personal relationships. This balanced approach fosters a more holistic and fulfilling way of living, starkly contrasting with the often all-consuming work culture prevalent at home.

The American Dream, Reconsidered

While away, I realized for the first time that capitalism thrives on a sense of scarcity, stress, and not-enoughness. I’ve been a beneficiary of this system, as has my family, but we've also felt its pressures. My mother, a small business owner, had to work two physically demanding jobs to support our family as a single parent. She couldn’t take a moment for herself, or take care of her body, because putting a roof over our heads and food on the table depended on constant work and effort. Every dollar spent and earned mattered. On top of her own struggles, she was born during the Second World War in Germany, inheriting profound worries about money and survival. Financial anxiety is my inheritance, too. 

In my work as a coach for high performers in transition, I meet so many clients like my former self who, despite having material comforts, can’t slow down. Intellectually they know they are safe and secure, but emotionally they are not. In America, the onus is on each person to navigate the pressures of consumerism, workism, relentless progress, and power and resource accumulation, often without the support that makes downshifting feasible, sustainable or acceptable. Cultivating a high level of life satisfaction and enoughness feels un-American. This is trauma at the collective and individual level. 

The cultural fabric of Denmark values well-being and balance, and the nation has invested in social structures to support these values. A robust social welfare system provides a backstop in the event of a catastrophe like an illness, death of a breadwinner, or job loss. Systems like parental leave, universal healthcare, and free education make living with intention possible and connection with others a priority. Danish society doesn’t place expectations that you need to build a billion-dollar company, get that sixth pair of Jordans, or live in a McMansion just to be fulfilled and complete. This is not laziness; they view their work and pursuits as contributing to the broader well-being of society.

Our culture of individual attainment and constant effort is not inevitable or irreversible. We can create a society that values well-being in addition to the other amazing qualities of America including hard work, innovation, equality, individual expression, and so many more. The pursuit of happiness is both an individual and a collective responsibility, and Denmark taught me that Downshifting too is an individual and collective imperative. It requires advocating for a societal shift that prioritizes health, happiness, and sustainability. It’s about committing to building organizations and institutions where everyone has the opportunity to flourish, not just economically, but physically and mentally.

This approach doesn’t just make us happier—it makes us more competitive in the long run. By focusing on our intentions, slowing down, and working together, we sustain our drive and ambition without burning out, ensuring that our success is enduring and meaningful.

I deeply love America. This is the country my grandparents emigrated to when their home was bombed in the Second World War. They dreamed of a prosperous future filled with possibility, left their lives behind, and risked everything to come here. My life is living proof of their American dream. 

Today, I hold onto that dream, but with an expanded vision. Together, we can redefine the American dream to include not just prosperity and progress, but also a profound sense of well-being and connection for everyone.