Andrea Breanna - Prioritizing Personal Happiness
Hello from New York City. While spring is around the corner, I feel like it’s spring in my life at the moment. I see nothing but possibility and new growth around me. This creative energy is intoxicating and flowing through me in a way I haven’t experienced before. There’s a part of me that’s embracing the flow, another that’s scared it’s going to dry up, and another that’s telling me not to get too far ahead of my skis.
Speaking of creating, I’m in the process of putting the finishing touches on my new website, which is set to launch next Friday. I’m so pleased with how it’s coming out. This will be the first place on the web that will talk about what I’m calling Executive Transition Coaching for high performers in midlife. It’s really amazing what happens when you commit to a new path and pour all of your energy into it. I can’t wait to unveil it and get your feedback.
Also, as part of my website migration and after careful consideration, I’m moving my writing to Substack. This change will allow me to have a direct conversation and engage more deeply with you. The next issue will be delivered via Substack next Friday, March 17th. If you don’t receive my essay, be sure to check your spam folder.
Enough with the updates, now on to WTRB!
Where the Road Bends episode 004 is my conversation with Andrea Breanna, the Founder and CEO of RebelMouse and a prominent transgender leader in the tech community. Before starting RebelMouse in 2012, Andrea was on the founding team and the Chief Technology Officer of The Huffington Post, where she led the company's technology team and oversaw the development of their website and mobile apps.
As a child, Andrea knew she was transgender, but kept it hidden for more than three decades. In 2017, she first came out to her wife, Milena, and then to her family, including their three children. At the time, she feared that she would be rejected by those closest to her, but it turned out to be the opposite. They embraced her.
Andrea describes how coming out as transgender humanized her position as CEO, and inspired herself and her co-workers to be more open, vulnerable and creative. Drawing on her experience as a trans person in the workplace and the greater world, she illustrates how being true to yourself can enhance happiness and success not only for yourself, but for everyone in your sphere of influence.
We covered a lot of ground in this conversation, including:
What It’s Like To Live In Hiding
Valuing Honesty and Taking Risks
The Power Of Being Openly Vulnerable
The Advantages and Dangers of Being Visibly Trans
The Dynamic Complexity of Human Identity
Honoring Humanity In The Workplace
Andrea’s story is about being honest with ourselves, embracing who we are even if we have to risk everything, and not conforming to whatever roles society places on us.
I hope you enjoy this conversation with Andrea.
🤔 For Contemplation
We all have experienced moments in our lives where things seem to be going well—our relationships are thriving, we’re in flow at work, and we have a sense of stability and security. And yet, even in these moments of contentment, we may still feel a sense of unease or a nagging feeling that something is not quite right.
This week's contemplation prompt comes from James Hollis and his mind-bending book Finding Meaning In The Second Half of Life, and it invites us to explore this very phenomenon in our lives:
“Why is it that even when things are going well, we can still feel a sense of dissatisfaction or disconnection?”
When have you felt this way in the past? Do you feel this way now? When does this feeling tend to show up in your life? What do you think drives this feeling?
These aren’t small questions. Take a moment to reflect on these and see what insights about yourself might come from them.
🌱 Seeds of Change
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Here are five things I’ve been pondering about personal evolutions and life transitions since last issue. If any resonate, please share them with those in your life.
🍂 The Midlife Unraveling
Last week I listened to Episode 656 of The Tim Ferris Show featuring author and researcher Brene Brown. Believe it or not, I haven’t dove deeply into her body of work, and I wanted to change that, so I was eager to hear what she’s thinking about now. By total coincidence (or synchronicity), a few days later one of my followers on Twitter shared an essay with me—Brene Brown’s “The Midlife Unraveling.” She writes,
"As it turns out, I was right about one thing—to call what happens at midlife ‘a crisis’ is bullshit. A crisis is an intense, short-lived, acute, easily identifiable, and defining event that can be controlled and managed.
Midlife is not a crisis. Midlife is an unraveling.
By definition, you can’t control or manage an unraveling. You can’t cure the midlife unraveling with control any more than the acquisitions, accomplishments, and alpha-parenting of our thirties cured our deep longing for permission to slow down and be imperfect."
This piece resonated so much that I read it multiple times this week, and felt called to share it with you. Read on BreneBrown.com (10 minutes)
🌗 A Little Book On The Human Shadow
Over the past month, I’ve been diving into the work of Robert Bly, an American poet, essayist, and activist. My exploration of Bly’s work started with Iron John: A Book About Men and then expanded to his other works, including A Little Book on the Human Shadow. Drawing on the works of Carl Jung and other influential thinkers, Bly delves into the unconscious aspects of our psyche that we often repress or deny, and how they can manifest in destructive ways.
“Behind us we all have an invisible bag, and the part of us our parents don’t like, we, to keep our parents’ love, put in the bag…By the time my brother and I were twelve, we were known as ‘the nice Bly boys.’ Our bags were already a mile long.”
Through personal anecdotes like the one above, poetry, and stories, Bly offers a unique perspective on the shadow and its potential to enrich and heal our lives and relationships. Purchase at Bookshop.org.
💓 Love
If you really knew me you would know that I have many parts that struggle with poetry. When I see a poem in a book, I tend to gloss or skip over it because they often make my head hurt. I tell myself stories like poems don’t make sense to me and that they’re artistic gibberish. Despite my struggles and stories, I come back to poetry over and over again because I believe it’s a window into the human soul.
Earlier this week, WTRB reader Alex Heintze shared this beautiful and profound poem by Czesław Miłosz, a Polish poet, writer, and diplomat who is widely regarded as one of the most important poets of the 20th century.
Love means to learn to look at yourself
The way one looks at distant things
For you are only one thing among many.
And whoever sees that way heals his heart,
Without knowing it, from various ills.
A bird and a tree say to him: Friend.
Then he wants to use himself and things
So that they stand in the glow of ripeness.
It doesn’t matter whether he knows what he serves:
Who serves best doesn’t always understand.
I can’t describe with words why this spoke to me so much but I can feel its weight in my heart. Read more at Marginalian (3 minutes)
❤️🔥 What You Really Love
Speaking of love, I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes from the Persian poet and scholar, Rumi:
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.”
🎹 re:member
I find it fascinating how our musical tastes can evolve and shift over time. What we might have been drawn to in our youth may not resonate with us as we get older. For example, I used to be obsessed with Pearl Jam and now I probably listen to them only a few times a year. Lately, I’ve become obsessed with neo-classical music. I now listen to this genre almost exclusively, especially when I’m writing and reading.
I recently discovered the music of Ólafur Arnalds, an Icelandic multi-instrumentalist, composer, and producer who has gained recognition for his innovative blend of classical, electronic, and ambient music. His music is known for its delicate piano melodies, intricate string arrangements, and subtle electronic textures, all of which combine to create a dreamlike and otherworldly atmosphere. If you want to get into a flow state or just unwind after a long day, I highly recommend his music. Listen on Spotify.