A New Season of Intentions

Get Busy Writing or Get Busy Dying

Greetings from Stone Ridge, New York. More than three months have passed since my last update and a new season is upon us, so I felt it was the perfect time to share some updates and resources with you all. 

My family and I have now been living upstate permanently since early June—it has exceeded all of our expectations. I don’t long for the city and its endless buffet of culture and conveniences as much as I thought I would. I’ve been taking the train to Manhattan every few weeks to get my fix and see coaching clients and friends—that has been more than enough. And these daily trips have reinforced our decision to transition away from city life and settle down in the Hudson Valley. Living in the woods has already had a profound impact on my way of being—I feel calmer, lighter, and connected to something much bigger than myself. I often wonder if humans are really meant to live in dense urban areas despite the documented benefits of city life. 

Before the summer kicked off, I set out to explore a book project on the broad topic of change and transition. I vowed not to make any significant decisions and to maintain a wide open aperture to traverse new ideas, perspectives, and topics. My intention was to identify a specific direction, a north star, by Labor Day, so I lived inside the question, what book wants to come through me?

As the summer progressed, countless insights, ideas, and answers to that question emerged. 

I believe I want to write a book that answers this question: how can we actively participate in the natural unfolding of our lives? I believe that I don’t want to write a non-fiction book dripping in thought leadership and frameworks. I believe the book wants to come from the depths of my soul, unearth stories and wisdom from my life, and share principles that will help the reader navigate their own change and transition. I believe I want the reader to peer into my interior and exterior world. I also believe that I’m feeling called to go deeper into the world of writing, immersing myself in community, literature, and the craft.

As I shift my focus toward the book proposal, I’m feeling uncertainty, imposter syndrome, and fear. As these strong emotions stir within me, I feel torn about whether to move forward with the book right now. I’m conflicted. When this happens I have a conditioned tendency to flee and move on to the next shiny object and intoxicating idea. Despite my desire to run towards whatever will relieve this pressure I feel, I’m doing my best to slow down, listen to what these parts have to say, and be with this inner conflict. 

There’s a constellation of parts urging me to plow forward with the book. Steve, you’ve already started the process. You’re doing it! You even have an outline and a plan to move forward. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be. It’s natural to feel scared and conflicted. This is going to be hard but it’s also a wonderful opportunity to learn about yourself. Winter is coming. It’s time to hunker down and write. You can’t possibly can’t turn around now. Let’s keep going. You got this.

There’s another constellation of parts that is telling me that it’s not the right time. Steve, you have so much on your plate right now. The girls are still young and they require your full attention and commitment. You can’t even find the time to write outside of work hours. And your coaching business is thriving. You have a full roster of clients and a commitment to each of them. You can downsize the practice but that would mean you’d have less money coming in. Do you really want that? And you certainly can’t neglect your mind and body. Everything will fall apart if you don’t care for the foundation. Bottom line Steve—there’s no way you can fit this all in. Something would need to give. 

There’s yet another constellation of parts telling me that we’re an imposter. Steve, let’s be honest, you’re not a real writer worthy of being published. You have no clue how to write a book or even navigate the process. There’s so much to learn about the craft of writing and the business of publishing. You’re an outsider to the literary world. You don’t really have any mentors or collaborators in this realm. This is new territory for you. Your unconscious incompetence is really coming into focus. Can’t you see it? It’s so clear how much you don’t know. Be careful. You could very well make a fool of yourself. 

Fuck, I’m human.

As I sit with this symphony of parts as presence, I appreciate how they’re all trying to help me even though what they want is diametrically opposed. I can allow whatever arises to the surface—inspiration, confusion, uncertainty, fear—and just be with the thoughts, emotions, and sensations without trying to force or change anything. From this place, I can trust and have faith that the way forward will reveal itself in the cacophony of inner voices. It always does, especially when I become still and listen to my heart.

Here’s what my heart is telling me right now—just write. Write like you have nothing to lose. Write like no one is reading your stuff. Write like there’s nothing to worry about. Write like you’ve never expressed yourself before. Write from your emotions. Write to share your ideas with the world. Write to teach. Write to inspire. Write like a child. Write to have fun and play. Write to not make sense. Write to lose your sense of self. Write to be understood. Write to be misunderstood. Write to unlearn and relearn. Write what you love. Write what makes you furious. Just write. Don’t worry about doing it right or a certain way. Trust the process and journey. Just fucking write. Let it all naturally unfold the way it’s meant to.

So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to write every day. I’m going to immerse myself in the world of writing. I’m going to build relationships with and learn from other writers. I’m going to read literature and expose myself to new forms of written expression. I’m going to learn about publishing. I’m going to take more risks in my work. I’m going to publish more regularly. I’m going to slowly work on a book proposal. I’m going to share my biggest and best ideas. I’m going to get messy.  

I often explain to my clients that intentions are just as powerful as goals, if not more so. While a goal is a specific target, a clear destination on the horizon, an intention serves as a guiding light, softly illuminating our path as we move through time and space. Goals can sometimes make us feel like we're wearing blinders, zeroed in on a singular endpoint, which can lead to stress, pressure, rigidity, and a fear of failure. But intentions? They allow us to flow with life's currents. They grant us the liberty to adapt, to evolve, and to embrace the wisdom that comes from the natural unfolding of life.

My intention is to just write, dedicate myself to the craft, and share even more of myself with you. As I continue on this journey, I’m deeply grateful for your time, attention, engagement, and feedback. After all, I write for you as much as for me.

🌲 Mindful Leadership Retreat: Transitions & Growth

I’m excited to announce that I’m hosting my very first multi-day retreat for leaders in transition alongside my friend and fellow coach Peter Corbett. 

Join us November 2nd - 4th for a three-day, two-night program designed to catalyze self-discovery and rejuvenation through silent meditation, breathwork, solo nature immersion and small group workshops. The retreat will take place at Eldred Preserve, a Catskills resort two hours from Manhattan. We will utilize their 3,000-acre property and Sunrise Lake to immerse ourselves in nature and reboot. 

The attendees are a mix of post-exit founders looking for their second mountain, executives on their transition journey, and leaders who are specifically in need of rest, a reset, and/or rejuvenation. Here are some of the big questions the committed participants are asking themselves:

• Future Career Directions: What's the trajectory of my career? What's next after exiting a role or selling a business?

• Purpose and Passion: Am I on the right path? How can I find my "ikigai" or live a more purposeful life?

• Role and Identity: How do I redefine myself outside of titles like 'CEO'? Can I be impactful without being at the helm?

• Work-Life Integration: Striking a balance between exciting entrepreneurial ventures and family time, especially with young children. How can I add more multi-dimensionality to my life while maintaining my edge? 

• Life Changes: Adjusting to significant life shifts, such as shutting down a business, becoming a new parent, or dealing with mortality. How can I navigate significant life changes with more clarity and compassion?

• Personal Potential: Reconciling the desire to achieve more with the challenges faced in past endeavors. Do I have what it takes to grind for another decade? 

• Alternative Career Paths: Contemplating high-impact roles, especially in areas like climate change. How can I change careers in my prime?

• Energy and Enthusiasm: Managing energy for future ventures and maintaining current momentum and happiness in life. How can I maintain my energy and creativity in the second half of my career?

If you’re also mulling over these topics and questions, this retreat may be exactly what you need. There are only 18 of 25 spots remaining. We have a great crew. You can learn more and request an application here. 

🤔 For Contemplation

During my healing journey last year, I was supported by a seasoned practitioner who, over four decades of psychotherapy and coaching, had crafted a treasure trove of insightful questions. Two profound, simple questions from his list resonated deeply with me. I come back to them every few months, and I believe they may strike a chord with you as well:

• Who are you at your best? 

• What gets in the way of being your best?

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Community Corner

Here are some announcements and updates from friends and members of the WTRB community. If you have something you'd love for me to spread the word about in the future, please feel free to reach out.

🫁 Nervous System Mastery

Jonny Miller is kicking off the next cohort of his life-changing course on September 25th. Nervous System Mastery is a five-week boot camp that will equip you with evidence-backed protocols to cultivate greater calm and agency over your internal state. Learn to rewire maladaptive stress responses & improve your sleep. You can use the code 'SCHLAF' for $200 off. Learn more and register here.

✨ Labyrxnth

Christina Ducruet recently launched Labyrxnth, a modern haven for spiritual growth and personal transformation. Their 12-week program offers six 1:1 sessions with a variety of vetted practitioners, and six intimate peer conversations to integrate your insights and foster belonging. The experience brings together powerful alternative modalities including parts work, somatic healing, spiritual care, expressive arts therapy, and Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Learn more and schedule a free 45-minute Discovery Session here. 

🌱 Seeds of Change

Here are some pieces I’ve enjoyed and have been contemplating over the past few weeks.

1. This podcast episode, The Power of Invitation, with Charles Einstein explores “sense-making in the era of collapse, stepping outside of our stories, the nature of sanity, the power of invitation and how we navigate the breakdown.”

2. In my journey to further unshield and open my heart, my bodyworker suggested All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks, the renowned American author, social activist, and feminist. Not only has it been opening my heart, but it's also broadening my perspective on love, power, and the narratives we embrace in the West.

3. Speaking of heart-opening experiences, this stunning live performance by Olafur Arnalds truly gave me goosebumps. It’s the perfect soundtrack for deep work, reflection, or some much-needed decompression. For the more adventurous, I highly recommend experiencing it on a big screen with surround sound.   

4. I recently made an appearance on The Metagame podcast where I shared my evolving perspectives on life transitions, embodied decision-making, and awareness-based coaching. 

5. Krista Tippet on Rainer Maria Rilke and Living the Questions.

6. In Your Heart is Your Sixth Sense, American author and poet Stephen Harrod Buhner shares what he’s learned from indigenous cultures, including this idea: “You have to wake up twice in the morning; once when your mind wakes up and the second time when your heart wakes up.”

7. Stop Resisting Change by Brad Stulberg, a thought-provoking NY Times Op-Ed on impermanence, allostasis, and rugged flexibility. It aligns with my own experiences, theories on change, and approach to coaching.

8. I asked my office mate Holly of Recovering to compile a list of books that I and other men should read to deepen our understanding of power, patriarchy, feminism, gender, and social change. As a father of two young girls, husband, and coach to women leaders, I believe these are essential topics and perspectives for all men to contemplate and understand.

9. If you've experienced, or believe you've had, brief glimpses of awakening, then The End of Your World by Adyshanti may help you make sense of those experiences and where you are on the path to enlightenment. 

10. In Loving Your Enemies, Dr. Martin Luther King explains why love, even for those we despise, is an imperative: “Far from being the pious injunction of a utopian dreamer, this command is an absolute necessity for the survival of our civilization. Yes, it is love that will save our world and our civilization, love even for enemies.”